Gravity Rides Everything

I don't quite know what to make of it. I'm spending the weekend in my home, this is my choice but it is influenced by the things around me. I find that it would be very irresponsible to leave while my mother is in the state she is in. Meaning with a hole in her belly where doctors took cysts from.

So, I'm here and I'm trying to convince myself that I would rather be here than out--out where? My life is becoming more and more... obscure? It's feeling as if I'm doing less and less, and regretting it. But not really. No, I don't really regret anything.

Maybe this feeling is jealousy. But jealousy of who, I do not know. Society, in general.. no. There is no person or life style to be jealous of. Which means, that it is in fact not jealousy.

This causes me to ask what I want out of my life, at present. I'm never entirely sure what I want, but I sure know what I think I want. I want items, I no longer know who I want myself to be. I used to have such idle dreams of myself being this fantastic person who would inspire emotion. I no longer fancy this for myself, but I no longer fancy anything.

I'm just who I am, for some odd reason.

--

I slept a very long time last night/today. I slept from roughly 11:30pm to 12 pm. That is quite a bit even for myself. And yet now I'm exhausted.

Time is a funny thing, especially how it gets the best of us all, or completely ignores us. There are times when time seems to pass so slow it feels as if presidential campaigns have taken place in between the minutes. Other times it seems as if it's going quicker than any of us have been prepared for.

Sometimes it feels as if presidential campaigns are going in between the minutes, but light years are traveled through the hours. And sometimes it just feels like time is moving too quickly, and I'm not doing enough to slow it down.

I am not to the best of my knowledge failing any classes. This is good. My lowest grade is likely to be a 75% (or so) in Biology. Because I cannot for the life of me, make it sound Latin, evidently. Actually, it's because I have lost a paper flip book, I have not completed a cross-word, and I have failed to copy a page out of our text book.

The page will be copied, but who knows if the other two will be. Maybe if I have the time.

I'm disappointed in myself overall, for very many things.